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I don't think the Aztecs knew what they were starting. Oh, they called Xocatl the drink of the Gods, certainly, but they probably had no idea that Xocatl would give rise to the even greater deities Godiva, Nestle, Hershey and Cadbury. Many of us enjoy these deities on a daily (all right, hourly) basis, yet so many people do not take the time to revere them properly, possibly because most of us do not know how (or, more likely, do not possess the necessary willpower). This ritual, performed at this year's Pagan Spirit Gathering (PSG), is designed for those longing to fulfill an essential part of their spiritual paths. I am speaking, naturally, of Chocolate Rites.
This ritual is good for one of those evenings when it is your turn to host the monthly coven meeting and you haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Though this ritual might be called "light" at best and "downright silly" at worst, even the most dignified Craft practitioner is hard pressed to scoff at the chance to scarf down a pound or two of the God and Goddess incarnate.
You will need: chunks of milk Chocolate, dark Chocolate, baking Chocolate, Chocolate chips, hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup), a box of Chocolates, a stick of your favorite incense, a Chocolate Venus of Willendorf, and a Chocolate Horned God (a Chocolate egg and Chocolate bunny will do in a pinch). A large finger bowl or packet of baby wipes is highly recommended.
Setup:
An area large enough for everyone to stand in (preferably outside -
this ritual can get messy). An altar with plates, bowls, cups and boxes of
the above ingredients, set up as follows:
Xocatl and his children are accompanied by literally thousands of tiny hangers-on that must be dealt with before beginning the ritual. Priest/ess says: "Before we begin, we must rid this circle of evil. (Wave incense.) Be gone, terror of the waistline. Flee, evil of the thighs. Leave us, horrors of the double chin. Calories may not enter here!"
All: "Tastes great! Less fattening! Tastes great! Less fattening!"
Now the Circle is Cast.
East:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from North to East. The other participants may try to catch them in their mouths.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the East, milk Chocolate, mild, healing and comforting." Eat a piece of milk Chocolate (so can the people standing at East). Sigh with rapture.
South:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from East to South.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the South, dark Chocolate, primal, passionate, patron of Mounds Bars." Eat a piece of dark Chocolate (so can the people standing at South). Laugh or growl passionately.
West:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from South to West.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the West, flowing, flexible, winter solace (or "ice cream perfecter" if using syrup)." Drink some of the hot Chocolate (so cant he people standing at West). Say, "Mmmmmm!" while rubbing stomach.
North:
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from West to North.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the North, Chocolate mass, basis for all Chocolate, bitter as death and something we only want once." Eat a piece of baking Chocolate (so can the people standing at North, if anyone wants it). Nod in serious contemplation.
Center:
Throw the remaining Chocolate chips into the air in the middle of the circle.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the Center, Chocolates, synthesis of all, holder of secrets delicious and disgusting." Choose a Chocolate (so can the people standing at Center). Check the middle by pushing your thumb into the bottom. If it's one you like, eat it joyfully. If not, try to foist it off on someone else.
Invocation to the Goddess and God:
Pick up the Venus figure (or egg).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great Goddess Godiva." Bite off her head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Pick up the Horned God figure (or bunny).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great God Nestle." Bite off his head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Chant to the tune of "The Earth, the Air, the Fire, the Water..." the following:
The milk, the dark, hot Chocolate (or "the syrup"), the bitter, return, return, return, return (repeat). So good, so good, so good, so good, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum (repeat).
Final Invocation:
Everyone takes a piece of his or her favorite Chocolate. Have everyone place his/her right hand over the Chocolate.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "I vow to remember the small, sweet things in life, to enjoy the delectable moments, and to give in to temptation on Thursdays. So mote it be."
Eat the Chocolate.
Opening the Circle:
Face each direction with a bit of the appropriate Chocolate. Give thanks to the Chocolate of that direction. Throw the bit of Chocolate away as a libation. Yes, this takes a great deal of self-control, but it must be done.
Walk solemnly to center of circle. Shout, "PIG OUT!" Do so.
Hints:
For large groups, the Priest/ess might want to ask different participants to bring some of the Chocolate. A persuasive Priest/ess can, therefore, given enough participants, get away without having to buy any Chocolate at all (though it's a good idea to keep this fact to yourself).
If you must buy the Chocolate yourself, buy it in bits and pieces, so to speak, and stash it in your freezer until you have enough. Post-Valentine's Day Chocolates are invariably half-priced and are perfect for Center. Chocolate bunnies and eggs abound just after Easter.
Caloric banishment notwithstanding, sugarless hot Chocolate is an ideal way to allow diabetics and dieters into the ritual without compromising their physical requirements. Masochistic dieters are encouraged to stand in the North and sop up excess baking Chocolate.
Would an ancient Greek have sacrificed a papyrus cow to Zeus and expected a positive response? Of course not. therefore, carob, so-called white Chocolate and artificially flavored Chocolate have no place in this ritual.
Steven Piziks, Wisconsin
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